BREAKING FREE: MY JOURNEY TO GRACE
Before I ever knew Christ, my life was a stark contrast to what it is now. I grew up feeling utterly
unloved, unseen, and unworthy. My mother, the one person who was supposed to nurture me,
made it clear that I was nothing more than an inconvenience. Every look of disappointment,
every sharp word of rejection, solidified the belief that I was unlovable. My father? He didn’t
cherish me—he abused me for his own inappropriate pleasures. Fear was my constant
companion, and I lived under the weight of shame, desperately trying to survive in a world that
felt hopeless.
Fast forward to today, after finding Christ, and everything has changed. Where my mother
rejected me, Christ accepted me fully. Where my father shattered me, my Heavenly Father
restored me. I no longer question my worth, because He has declared me valuable. I no longer
live in fear, because He has given me a peace that surpasses all understanding.
THE WOUNDS THAT SHAPED ME
In high school, my mother left my father for a month, and in that time, he began crossing lines no
father should ever cross. I was trapped in a house with a predator, paralyzed by fear, knowing
that any moment could bring another violation. I would hold my breath when I heard his
footsteps in the hallway, my heart pounding so loudly I thought he could hear it. My room, which
should have been my sanctuary, became my prison.
When my mother returned, I thought I had an ally. I thought she would save me. But when she
found my diary, instead of rescuing me, she condemned me. She spat venomous words at me,
called me a liar, and stripped me of any hope that a mother’s love could offer protection. When
authorities intervened, she denied everything. Instead of my father facing justice, I was labeled
the problem and sent away to a psychiatric ward, heavily medicated, silenced, and discarded like
an inconvenience.
I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening to me at home. I buried my pain in silence,
pretending I was fine, but inside, I was crumbling.
I was 15. And I had no one to turn to.
LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES
I got married right out of high school. I was so insecure, so desperate to be loved, that I became a
doormat—afraid to be assertive. I had no self-worth, no voice. I was nothing.
Desperate to escape my home life, I married my high school sweetheart at 19. But within 90
days, different kind of abuse began. This time, it came in the form of physical rage which
enforced the lie that I was worthless. I lost two babies because of this violence, and yet, I stayed,
believing this was love.
I numbed my pain of bitterness, resentment with drinking and partying. I smoked and drank to
drown the fear and stress that consumed me. I was angry at life, at the world, and at a God who
seemed silent.
AN UNEXPECTED INVITATION
During this time, a Baptist minister kept knocking on our door, inviting us to church. My
husband refused, but the pastor and his wife persisted. After we separated, they came again one
evening and they invited me and my 2 girls to dinner, and afterward, to a revival meeting.
I believed in God—I always had—but I also believed that He had abandoned me. Besides, I
enjoyed my drinking and partying. I wasn’t ready to give that up. Not yet.
But that night, something shifted. As the speaker shared, I felt a battle inside me. Part of me
wanted to run, but another part knew that what I was hearing was the truth. For years, I had been
carrying my pain, my anger, and my fear alone. But what if I didn’t have to? What if there really
was a way to break free?
A MOMENT OF SURRENDER
I couldn’t move when the altar call came. But as I was leaving, the pastor stopped me. “Do you
want to talk?” he asked.
And I did.
In his office, he explained something I had never truly understood before: I didn’t have to fix
myself before coming to God. I didn’t have to carry my burdens alone. Jesus had already made a
way. Right there, we knelt together, and for the first time, I surrendered. I asked Jesus to take my
pain, my sin, my brokenness—and in that moment, I felt something lift. The weight I had carried
for so long was gone.
LIFE AFTER GRACE
The next morning, I woke up feeling light. The colors outside seemed brighter, my heart felt free,
and for the first time in years, I had peace. The bitterness that had controlled me for so long was
replaced with something new: hope.
I no longer wanted the drinking, the partying, or the anger. My heart had changed. I spent my
days learning, growing, and sharing my story. Some friends walked away, confused by my
transformation, but I had found something greater than temporary escape—I had found true
freedom.
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS AND GRACE
Maybe you’ve been carrying your own burdens. Maybe fear, pain, or resentment have wrapped
around your heart like chains. I understand. I was there.
But let me tell you about grace. Imagine every hurt, every offense, every bitterness as drops of
water filling a heavy, stormy cloud above you. That cloud follows you, darkening your days,
weighing you down.
Now imagine that cloud bursting, releasing a downpour of healing rain. That’s what grace does.
It washes away the weight, the pain, and the shame. It sets you free.
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what’s been done to you—it’s about releasing yourself from its
hold. Grace is the gift you never thought you deserved but was given to you anyway..
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Is there anything keeping you from trusting God right now? Are you holding onto pain, fear, or
anger that’s weighing you down? The most important decision you will ever make is what you
will do with this invitation to freedom.
A PRAYER FOR NEW BEGINNINGS
If you’re ready to take that step, pray with me:
Dear Jesus, I know I can’t do this on my own. I have carried my pain, my mistakes, and my fears
for too long. I believe You love me, that You died for me, and that You offer me freedom. Today, I
choose to let go. I ask You to come into my life, to forgive me, and to make me new. Thank You
for Your grace. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, congratulations. You are not alone anymore. Welcome to grace.
Welcome to freedom.